Marc Romanelli/Getty
Money can bring people together, and tear them apart.
Sandy, who uses a pseudonym online but has been verified by Insider, knows that firsthand. The mother of two adult sons has been divorced three times. Despite being a diligent saver and teaching her kids how to manage money from an early age, Sandy wound up with little to her name after each marriage ended.
"I had three husbands that liked to spend money and didn't have financial goals and didn't care to have financial goals," Sandy, 63, told Insider. "They just wanted what they wanted when they wanted it. And you would think I would have learned after the first or the second, but I didn't."
The problem, she later realized, was that they didn't communicate openly about money before committing to one another. It's OK to want different things than your partner, she said, but it's important to take precautions so you can pursue your own goals too.
"I think really frank, honest talks about money should be a prerequisite to getting married or living together ... put straight out that 'This is what I expect, this is what I want,'" Sandy said. "People don't even realize it until they are three years in and have a couple of kids and they're strapped and all of a sudden they want totally different things long term and it's a big barrier."
Sandy was brought up in a generation where men were seen as the financial providers, she said, and often took the lead on money matters in their marriage.
"Even today I have friends, they don't know where their money is. They don't know which bank they go to," she said. "If their husband died tomorrow, they wouldn't have a clue. And it's like, 'How can you be that way? This is the 2000s.' I mean, you got to know this stuff, this affects your life."
Sandy now prefers to keep her money separateIn the settlement for her last divorce, which happened in the aftermath of the Great Recession, Sandy said she received three residential properties. But it wasn't the right time to sell the real estate if she wanted to make a profit, so she held on to the homes and went back to work so she could pay her bills.
Eventually, the properties regained value and Sandy was earning enough money to pay extra toward the mortgages and save more for retirement.
She found it was easier to build and keep wealth as a single woman. In late 2019, she retired from full-time work with a net worth approaching $1 million, thanks in part to a growing IRA she started at age 30 and the proceeds from selling her real estate.
Sandy later reconnected with her third ex-husband and they bought a home together that they paid for in cash. Their monthly payment for taxes, insurance, and association fees is split in half, but they keep their money separate now.
Deciding whether to manage your money individually or as a couple is a personal decision that no one outside the relationship — even a financial advisor — can make for you. But Sandy has finally learned her lesson.
"It took me a long time to get here," she said.
Related Content Module: More Personal Finance CoverageSee Also:
